Report This


I know I don’t speak for all homeschooling parents, but for the past couple of years, when I hit May, things start to unravel just as I need to button everything up for the reports. Our schedule becomes incredibly complicated, the warmer afternoons are ideal for just running around outside, and I’m tired, oh so tired.

But, even though I want to just take a nap, in my head, I mentally go through all the items on my school district’s required reports for Belly, my 2nd grader:

Did we do art this year? Well, yeah, I can easily recall paintings, and drawings, and toothpick-and-gum drop creations, beaded jewelry, clay people, tribal paper-bag masks. But art history? Well, no, not really. But boy, I’m glad I didn’t waste time teaching her the whole “crazy Van Gogh chopped off his ear” story.

Now what about music? We have a piano! I review CD’s of kids’ music, and she has to listen to them too. She even used to sing in the church choir until that interest sort of waned (funny, right at the same time as my interest in church).

Science? Meh. . .we did ok.

Social Studies? I still don’t even know what that is.

Foreign Language? Ummmmmmmmmmmm. . .I say “Je ne sais pas” and “Mon Dieu!” a lot around the house; does that count?

We’ve done awesome in the “Go Outside and Play” subject area (oh, wait, that’s called “PE” in report-language). We’ve made real progress in Math (after a very rocky start). We kick ass in History, if I do say so myself. Reading & Grammar? Not bad, not bad. Oh, crap, Spelling. . .she’s up to Lesson 9! Out of 30. Whoops.

Call me cocky, but I think it’ll be ok. I know she’s learned things this year, even if they don’t all neatly fit into “subject areas”.

And, really, I need to relish this reporting season. Next year, I’ll have two kids to report.

Just Follow the Tweets

Well, was that a hiatus? I swear I didn’t really go anywhere.

No, I didn’t “unplug” and spend the week pretending that the internet doesn’t exist. I was still online all day, as my Twitter friends can attest. In fact, you can get a decent picture of my state of mind this week by rereading my Tweets*:

Made yummy dinner. 4yo son took one bite and said, “Mommy, I sorry but your dinner made me frow up”.Just left friends’ all-day BBQ at 8:30p. As we got into car, I sighed, “Such a nice night for August”. Duh, it’s still April. But 80’s!

April 26 and the Ice Cream Truck just stopped in our neighborhood. I have 3 very happy and sticky children right now.

Is Daisy of Love too ridiculous to watch? I’ll soon find out.

OH, so Daisy is doing this to launch a music career. Yippee, we get to listen to her “music”.

Dear Daisy: I’m pretty sure this show is “I Love Liquor” and “I Want to be on TV” and “I Love my gell’d, mohawked hair”. #daisyoflove

@chickybaby I found a baby deer tick in my son’s “diaper area” last year—it was the size of a fleck of pepper. Ridiculously small.

OH MY GOD, a man in a thong?!?! WTF! Next! #daisyoflove

If I were Daisy, I’d have a hard time keeping 5 of them in the house, nevermind only kicking out 5. #daisyoflove

If my mom ends up on Twitter, then it really has jumped the shark.

Daisy of Love is actually pretty boring and predictable.

Totally psyched to see #toughlove Good god my life is pathetic.

Arian and her mom are great examples of my moms shouldn’t try to be their daughter’s peer. #toughlove

Arian’s mother has her head up her ass! #toughlove

Oh, Taylor, I’m sorry I laughed when the bidet squirted you in the face in show #1. Now you are my favorite. #toughlove

Thanks guys for watching the Red Sox for me so I don’t have to; at least I’ll know if they won. #hatewatchingbaseball

Why oh why did I agree to let the girls take a Disney princesses CD out of the library? I may have to bitch slap myself for stupidity.

Here’s a tip: when you are depressed and PMS-y, watching Intervention and raiding the Easter chocolate will NOT make you happier.

If one more child comes down the stairs to tattle on the other (after I’ve put them to bed), I’m putting tacks on the steps.

I wish I could turn Depeche Mode’s Wrong up loud enough to make my ears bleed but I think the kids might protest.

I’m not sure I can handle the nuts on #RHONY tonight. Let’s give it a go.

Hmmmm. . .wonder why Kelly is not married. She sounds about as high maintenance as could be. #RHONY

Watching Alex’s house renovation is giving me the hives. #RHONY

Not sure how I feel about a hot guy drinking a “skinny girl margarita” #RHONY

But I suppose it’s better than him ordering a “Slow comfortable screw” #RHONY

NO! Do not suck out of the skinny straw. Sigh. #RHONY

Holy crap, how did they pull that house together in time? #RHONY

Oh, I see they decorated in the “sex” theme. #RHONY

Preparing to dislike Kelley more in 10-9-8-7-6-5. . . #RHONY

OMG, please someone else tell me you think she’s truly nuts! I’m about to yell at the TV. #RHONY

* if you need a key: Daisy of Love is a VH1 reality show; Tough Love is a VH1 reality show, Intervention is an A&E reality show & RHONY is Real Housewives of NY, a Bravo reality show. Yes, that is the only kind of tv I watch.

So, yeah, if you want to know about ticks, how to keep your kids in bed, and bad reality shows, you know where to find me! (I’m nowhere near as entertaining on Facebook; too many people know me there)

After this week, I could use a laugh


1. My 4-year-old son took a look at this dearly departed person’s gravestone today and said, “Mommy! Guitar Hero!”:

Photobucket

(no sorry, honey, your father would be draped over the grave weeping if that were the case).


2. This was an actual entry in the latest Police Log in our newspaper:

3:06 p.m. – Caller reported an injured wild turkey at the Highland Plaza, Robert Drive. Animal Control Officer responded, reported turkey was now sun-bathing in a bush does not look injured.

Hope that turkey got a nice tan (and a side of gravy).

Have a lovely weekend all. We’ll be hitting 80! See you on the flip side.