Stick a Fork in Me, I’m Done!

Living with a newly 3-year-old son has taught me a few things:

When I change D’s diaper, I know to watch out for the penis which could pee on me at any moment;

When I drag him away from his toys to bring him upstairs for bed, I know to watch out for the swinging fists of protest;

When he is angry and leans in with his mouth on my shoulder, I move before teeth clamp down;

When he is zooming on his scooter, I jump back before he (accidentally) runs over any of my toes, or slams into my shins.

But, I didn’t expect this:

D was sitting on my lap, sharing a piece of the delicious banana cake my sister had made. He held in his hand a small plastic fork.

As I turned my head to look at him, his fork rose up swiftly, probably with a plan to then rocket down into another piece of cake.

Instead, the sharp tines jabbed right into my opened eye, scrambling my contact lens and causing me to screech like the Cyclops when stabbed by Odysseus.

My sister, who expected to see me with three little holes in my cornea, couldn’t look at me at first. I took the contact out and started to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.

A plastic fork. In the eye.

Well, I really didn’t see that one coming.

(update: other than some major weeping from the eye, all is well now; somehow, even the contact lens appears fine).

And, a major thank you to Oh, The Joys and From the Frontlines (two lovely bloggers) for bestowing this award on me:

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’ll try to be nice, even when being stabbed by forks.


  1. Yikes! Just be thankful that the fork was plastic! And also that you had that lens in, I bet.

  2. Yeeeouch!!

    My eyes are tearing up just thinking about how much that must have hurt!

  3. Oh, I can barely even type now. I’m glad you weren’t hurt – my kids big thing was to swing their enourmous heads back into my face. Ouch.

  4. Oh, The Joys says

    The Mayor head butts me and I actually see stars and tweetie birds.

  5. Ouch! I know when Moe is mad, t owatch out for flying projectiles!

  6. Yowza. You are lucky. My goodness, I would make that child stick with spoons for a good long while.

  7. I’m still twitching.

    Leave it to you to reference Homer. Nerd.

  8. Blog Antagonist says

    Ouch. That’s making my eyes water. And I’ve had Lasik, so that’s no small feat, lol.

  9. Like Beck and OTJ, I get head butts from my little boy. I swear he has almost broken my nose a couple of times. Maybe he’ll be a kick ass street fighter someday. *sniff* Makes a Mother proud it does.

  10. Chicky is a hitter. She’s getting better but when she’s really close to me and raises her hands for anything, I flinch.

  11. Heh heh heh. Perfect. Our plan to destroy you is going according to plan. Next we go for the throat. Good boy!

  12. Ow! Is your eye sore at all? You would think I would be a pro at diaper changes by the time my second son came along, but I still got hit a few times.

  13. Who knew contacts were made of a titanium kevlar blend? Lucky!

  14. Wow! And I thought you were going to say that he stuck a fork of cake in your mouth, like some sweet child.

  15. Ouch! Now MY eye is watering in sympathy!

  16. NO WAY! I often jokingly say “Oh geeze, just stick a fork in my eye!” and now I don’t think I will anymore! Ouch!

    And 1x a month is AWESOME (re: your comment at my place) – I just like having a set theme for Thursday!

  17. Just in time for Talk Like A Pirate Day! Did you wear an eye patch yesterday?

    Congrats on the Nice Blogger Award. You totally need to upgrade to the saucy lady-in-undergarments trophy. It is way more your style.


    oh no…no, no, no….

    The stuff of nightmares.

    When my cousin was a baby, she scratched my moms eye with her little fingernail, and my mom had to wear a patch for a week or two.

    Raising kids is dangerous work, and don’t let anyone tell you any different.

  19. I’m having flashbacks to when I seriously scratched my cornea some years ago.

    I wouldn’t open my eyes for three whole days!!!!

    Not even childbirth could match that level of pain.

    Enjoyed your blog! Will come back to visit for sure!

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