I Am Ated.

I find it hard to write something for my blog when the children hate me.

For the past few days, one of them says, “I hate you Mommy!” at least once a day. Even my three-year-old son, the little blond cherub, will tell me, “I ATE YOU MOMMY!” (he can’t say his ‘h’s).

This, naturally, does not put me in a very good mood, especially when these words are accompanied by lots of stomping, door slamming and overall crappy attitude.

I try to be fun and playful. When that doesn’t work, I switch to stern and firm. Finally, I’m on to pissed off and taking no prisoners. So much for consistency.

I’ve done everything I’ve sworn I’d never do. I have sat kids on the “naughty step“. Banged on doors demanding they be opened. Canceled Friday’s “movie night”. Said the dreaded words, “Do you want me to call your father?”

Oh, how far the (not so) mighty have fallen.

Each night, I go to bed and say that tomorrow will be better. I will have more patience. I will not raise my voice unless absolutely necessary. I will follow the rules I’ve read in this book. I will be the mother I want to be.

And, by 10am, I look at the crumbled remains of the day and wonder what happened.


  1. I can relate to you totally! I have 4 kids, age 15 (boy), 12 (girl) will be 13 in a month, 2.5 (girl) and 7 months, (boy). Oh my oldest son is great, not mouthy at all but my daughter who is 12….well she takes the cake when it comes to mouthiness…I wish you the best and know you are not alone! 🙂

  2. SuburbanCorrespondent says

    I knew which book it was without even clicking on it!

    There’s nothing wrong with a “naughty step.” We have one ourselves. The problem with the book mentioned and a slew of other books like it is that the implication is that if you just do everything “right,” you will have happy, well-behaved children.

    I am here to free you from that misconception. When your children misbehave, it is not your fault. If you neglect to correct them, then that is your fault. And if they misbehave again, that’s normal. Children take a lot of correction.

    Lay down some non-negotiables and enforce them. Usually only two or three rules, adequately enforced, bring relative peace to your household.

    Dr. John Rosemond and Dr. Ray Guarendi are my favorite child-raising gurus. Check them out. Because you deserve a better day!

  3. Weeks like that really suck. God do they suck. Believe me, I know.

    Hang in there, I’m sure next week will be better.


  4. Sounds like you’ve also been chewed up and spit out. Hope you feel better soon.

  5. Elizabeth says

    YUCK! We had a day like that yesterday which ended up with DQ being grounded for the whole weekend. Now I realize that’s more a punishment for me than her….UGH!

    I get “I hate you” a lot, to which I respond. “That means I’m going a good job!” which really pisses her off 🙂

  6. Buncha Blue-Eyed Monkeys says

    I don’t have any steps in my house, but if I did, rest assured, they would ALL be naughty steps!

  7. Yesterday sucked at my house. The nadir was a screaming match between me and ALL THREE of my kids that I still feel kind of horribly guilty about. Bleh.

  8. One of my friends taught me just to answer to the child very peacefully: Yes , You say you hate me…
    You will see the effect…
    You just answer to what ever , “yes you say”
    You recognise what they are saying but it doesn’t meen you agree. It is putting the responsabilitie on there shoulders.
    When you react like that they quickly realise it has no input (?) on you!
    (sorry I am french!)
    I can tell you it worked really well(I brought up 5 children)
    Someone else also told me to say
    “do you think or do you believe you are behaving properly?”(or what ever the problem…it makes all the difference to call to there opinion then giving yours!!)
    Send them back to there own responsabilitie…it really helped me a lot!

  9. So, so true. I hate leaving the house in the morning with the kids slamming doors and barely speaking to each other. The day looms large in times like those.

  10. AnotherMomCreation says

    ((HUGS)) I know how hard it can be to feel the way you do.
    Chin up, better weather always seems to adjust the kiddos attitude.

  11. Chicky Chicky Baby says

    They naughty step doesn’t even work for us. She just laughs.

    I feel your pain even though I haven’t heard “I hate you” yet. But it’s coming. I can feel it.

  12. heartfull says

    I read those books and convince myself that the authors can’t possibly have children themselves. Then I find out they have five. And they are all well adjusted. And smile a lot. Damn…

    But then I secretly think that the authors didn’t actually follow their own advice. They probably yelled a lot too. Because dear god, I can’t be that bad at this…

    Though the other day Mare told me that she wished every kid could have a mom as great as me. Sniff. Sweet heaven, I love 6 year olds.

    Best piece of advice I’ve ever gotten wasn’t really advice. It was reassurance from another mom that kids are really good at forgetting.

  13. Alex Elliot says

    Isn’t parenting fun? I never believed that the time change could really make that much of a difference, but I swear this past week my kids have really been out of sorts.

  14. oh my, I HEAR YA SISTER! Good luck!

  15. You are definately not alone my friend. M was writing a sentence today with spelling words and she wrote “I wish my mom was nice.” Ahhh!! BTW, I have that book and keep telling myself I must re-read it again as I am not applying the methods…

  16. Ugh. The dreaded “I hate you!” I’ve heard it a few times… along with the “you’re mean!” At my house that is a one way ticket to the bedroom. I tell the boys that they are allowed to dislike me (or any other grown up, for that matter) or think I’m mean all they want – but, they are NOT allowed to say it out loud as it is hurtful and disrespectful.

    On the plus side, it’s gotten me some of their most heartfelt apologies. There is nothing wrong with standing your ground with your kids.

  17. Whirlwind says

    Einey the other night wrote “I hate and then a list of her sisters and us”. She and husband had a long talk about it and what it means and how others feel when she says it. I guess she got very sad. He kept it so that its a reminder of how words can hurt people’s feelings.

    I don’t like hearing “I hate you” but for some reason, I get a chckle when Moe says “I don’t like you Mommy”. Probably because of the crossed arms, hairy eyeball and squished face that usually accompanies it.

    I usually tell them, I’m sorry you feel that way, but I still love you very much. Maybe we can talk more when you like me again. And usually a little bit later I hear a soft “I love you mom”.

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