Forgive me Father for I have sinned, and Strawberry Shortcake saw the whole thing

There has been a lot written about those people at BlogHer who got so greedy about swag, they lost all common decency in an effort to acquire More Stuff They Don’t Need.

I have a confession:

I walked that dark, lonely path for a few minutes this past weekend.

No, I didn’t elbow a baby, try to blackmail the Crocs guy or crash an invite-only luncheon for the yummy bathrobe. But, I was a Swag Whore just the same.

Follow me, dear reader, down my path of shame. Wear shoes; it gets sticky.

It was the first day of the conference, and I had already gotten off schedule by the second session. Arriving super late to the session on Brands and Bloggers (which featured my super-ethical friend on the panel), I hesitated at the door when I saw the standing-room only crowd.

Something caught my eye as I stood, and I looked to the left where a life-sized cardboard cutout of Strawberry Shortcake was propped against a table. A couple of smiling women at the table beckoned. I took their bait thinking to myself, “maybe they will have a little sticker that I can bring home to my berry sweet girls” (hey, I know the lingo; we have her books).

Hi“, I said, planning to grab a couple of stickers and run.

Hi“, Smiling Woman #1 said. “Go inside and hear this panel. We have dolls in all the gift bags.”

Dolls in the gift bags.

I immediately thought of those dolls, nothing but those dolls. My girls love dolls! They’d think I was the greatest mommy ever if I brought one home!

I forgot all about my friend on the panel in the room next door and scooted into the Strawberry Shortcake “MommyBlogging” panel. Did I mention that there were only 15 minutes left?

Sliding into a chair, I moved a pink tissue-filled gift bag to my feet. Score! The girls will think I’m SO cool when I bring them one doll.

One doll.

I have two girls.

I looked to the empty seat to my right and spied a second gift bag. Could I swipe a second bag? Was this unethical? Or just smart parenting?

Fifteen minutes later, I strode out of the conference room with one bag.

One bag stuffed with TWO dolls. Oh yeah, I knew to hide my swag-a-holism.

I went to the next session and sat with the gift bag between my feet. And when I got up to go to the next session, I forgot the bag until I was far away.

“I forgot something!” I chirped and speed-walked back to the room I had just left.

The bag was gone.

As I retraced my steps, I first felt sad that my girls would not be getting two hot Strawberry Shortcake dolls from their swag-whoring mama. But, then I realized that it was karma, baby, that caused me to leave that bag behind.

Those dolls were never mine.

Unconsciously, I had set them free, and thus relieved myself of the scarlet letter of shame.

Which someone else now wears for taking my bag of dolls.

May they wear it well.

Comments

  1. Boston Mamas says

    You. crack. me. up.

    Oh man, if karma truly is in play, some people are going to get bit rather hard on the rump.

    -christine

  2. Boston Mamas says

    You. crack. me. up.

    Oh man, if karma truly is in play, some people are going to get bit rather hard on the rump.

    -christine

  3. Jozet at Halushki says

    My girls loved the dolls! Thanks!

    Signed, Paula Dean

  4. Jozet at Halushki says

    My girls loved the dolls! Thanks!

    Signed, Paula Dean

  5. AnnetteK says

    There were so many strawberry shortcake dolls being handed out in that session I ended up with 2 and I have a BOY! My nieces will be very happy next time I see them.

  6. AnnetteK says

    There were so many strawberry shortcake dolls being handed out in that session I ended up with 2 and I have a BOY! My nieces will be very happy next time I see them.

  7. Audrey at Barking Mad says

    This cracks me up in a "Oh Lordy, I've been there" kind of way.

    Karma is indeed a…well, you know what they say.

    BTW, I know I tweeted it, but I really enjoyed meeting you on our way down to BlogFest in VA. I just can't imagine a more lovely person to meet,for my first time meeting someone from the blogosphere. I mean that in all sincerity.

  8. Audrey at Barking Mad says

    This cracks me up in a "Oh Lordy, I've been there" kind of way.

    Karma is indeed a…well, you know what they say.

    BTW, I know I tweeted it, but I really enjoyed meeting you on our way down to BlogFest in VA. I just can't imagine a more lovely person to meet,for my first time meeting someone from the blogosphere. I mean that in all sincerity.

  9. Gray Matter says

    Mmmmmm….Karma….smells just like Strawberries.

    Sure you had fun, but was it as awesome as sharing a room with an Ambien-doped newbie at a mini-conference? I think not. We'll just let everyone think it was epic.

  10. Gray Matter says

    Mmmmmm….Karma….smells just like Strawberries.

    Sure you had fun, but was it as awesome as sharing a room with an Ambien-doped newbie at a mini-conference? I think not. We'll just let everyone think it was epic.

  11. You are a riot. I'd love to see what would have happened if they were giving away Bratz dolls … Whole other story, probably.

  12. You are a riot. I'd love to see what would have happened if they were giving away Bratz dolls … Whole other story, probably.

  13. Karma indeed.

    Though I'm on the verge of disappearing the doll I got; its sickly smell is not nice.

  14. Karma indeed.

    Though I'm on the verge of disappearing the doll I got; its sickly smell is not nice.

  15. For shame! I think a lot of ass kickin' karma is probably spreading around the blogosphere right about now.

    Loved meeting you and hanging out with you all last weekend. Hope to see you again!

  16. For shame! I think a lot of ass kickin' karma is probably spreading around the blogosphere right about now.

    Loved meeting you and hanging out with you all last weekend. Hope to see you again!

  17. Issas Crazy World says

    Best title evah!

    Funny, but they had those at many of the panels. I gave mine to a friend who has twin girls.

  18. Issas Crazy World says

    Best title evah!

    Funny, but they had those at many of the panels. I gave mine to a friend who has twin girls.

  19. I'm guessing the person who swiped your hot goods isn't feeling any shame.

  20. I'm guessing the person who swiped your hot goods isn't feeling any shame.

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