My husband isn’t the first guy I dated (sorry, honey), so I know a thing or two about failed relationships—those tension-filled moments toward the end. The avoidance, arguments and angst that come with the ending of something that was once so beautiful and fun.
Breaking up is hard to do
February 10, 2011
I am starting to feel like homeschooling is my dying relationship.
Every day I vow that things will be different: We will wake up and have a good day. I won’t raise my voice before breakfast. I won’t sigh heavily (or worse, cry) when things aren’t going according to plan. We will finish early and then lie around and read or bake or play, not run off immediately to an appointment or lesson because “school” has dragged on and on and on.
As if sensing they are near a wounded animal, the kids’ behavior has gotten worse; it’s like they are trying to finish this failed experiment off. The bickering, the name-calling, the outright refusal to do work is making me question my competence as a teacher. As a parent.
When did this all go from pretty great to unbearable?
I know February is a sucktastic month to be a teacher—it is probably why there is a school vacation week planned in the public schools—-maybe everyone is ready to jump ship? But, I’m not sure if this is just the regular February blahs or a sign of something bigger than what a week off from school can fix.
Today I asked my second grader if she’d like to try public school for the rest of the year. She said yes. I’m not yet sure if this is the right thing to do because I‘m not sure the next relationship (with the school system) will be any better than the one we’re in right now.
And I don’t want to spend the rest of my days wishing we had stuck it out with the “relationship” we’re in right now and not given up when things went downhill. My oldest says it in a way that breaks my heart:
I don’t want to give up on you, mom.
Before my phone starts ringing, let me say that we are not 100% sure about sending any of the kids to school at this point. Something has to change, though, for this to work in the long term—-it may mean leaving the virtual school or leaving homeschooling entirely—or maybe we’ll find our groove and be ok. We’re committed to this virtual school through June, and after that, we’ll reassess what our options are.