Life is too short for a tankini

I am 43 years old, almost 44, and at the heaviest non-pregnancy (and “non-Freshman 15”) weight of my life. I’ve nursed three babies, had one c-section and my legs have little blue veins all over the back of them, like a road map.

And today I wore a bikini. Yesterday too.

Listen, I know I’m not stopping traffic or making heads turn when I chase the kids down the beach. But I also know the only retching sound I hear is in my head and I’m determined to shut it the hell up.

no retching please

I’ve always envied women who wear a two-piece proudly even with their less-than-perfect bodies. I’ve also envied those women with the perfect body. But after four decades, I’ve also come to realize that I will never have a “perfect body”. Even at my thinnest and most fit, I could find fault with my physique, always covering up my midsection because it “wasn’t flat enough” or my thighs were not “thin enough”.

I remember reading in a book once that “no one thinks about your body as much as you do.” And so far, no one has pulled their kids out of the pool or off the beach, the world hasn’t ended, and I haven’t even been heckled for daring to wear a bikini in public.
Here’s one little step toward being happy with the shape I am right now.

(and forgive me for still being too chicken to show a full-body shot; I’m working on being ok with that)


  1. jerryberry says

    I admire you. -cb

  2. Chicky Baby says

    You are my hero. Seriously.

  3. Applause.

  4. I have come to the conclusion that whether or not I can wear a bikini has nothing to do with what my body looks like or how much I weigh and everything to do with how confident I feel. When I was 16 (or 18 or 20 or 25) my tummy was flat, my thighs didn't jiggle, but I only ever wore one-pieces. Now I'm 37. After two babies my belly is nowhere near flat and my thighs have MANY spider veins, but last year I bought (and wore . . . in public . . . more than once) my first bikini. And it felt good.

  5. Issas Crazy World says

    I know a woman who refuses to swim with her kids, or play at the lake, or jet ski, all because she thinks she's too fat for a bathing suit.

    Sigh. I'm fat. I still wear a bathing suit. I've never been heckled.

    I'm proud of you for just going for it.

  6. Rock that two piece, Sistah!

  7. Rosstwinmom says

    Good for you! That's it; I'm buying a bikini while I am here in Europe. I'm showing all of the belly. Wretched scar from last summer's emergency surgery, post twin-mommy belly flap, etc.

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