The Fairly Odd Mother

There has been a lot written about those people at BlogHer who got so greedy about swag, they lost all common decency in an effort to acquire More Stuff They Don’t Need.

I have a confession:

I walked that dark, lonely path for a few minutes this past weekend.

No, I didn’t elbow a baby, try to blackmail the Crocs guy or crash an invite-only luncheon for the yummy bathrobe. But, I was a Swag Whore just the same.

Follow me, dear reader, down my path of shame. Wear shoes; it gets sticky.

It was the first day of the conference, and I had already gotten off schedule by the second session. Arriving super late to the session on Brands and Bloggers (which featured my super-ethical friend on the panel), I hesitated at the door when I saw the standing-room only crowd.

Something caught my eye as I stood, and I looked to the left where a life-sized cardboard cutout of Strawberry Shortcake was propped against a table. A couple of smiling women at the table beckoned. I took their bait thinking to myself, “maybe they will have a little sticker that I can bring home to my berry sweet girls” (hey, I know the lingo; we have her books).

“Hi“, I said, planning to grab a couple of stickers and run.

“Hi“, Smiling Woman #1 said. “Go inside and hear this panel. We have dolls in all the gift bags.”

Dolls in the gift bags.

I immediately thought of those dolls, nothing but those dolls. My girls love dolls! They’d think I was the greatest mommy ever if I brought one home!

I forgot all about my friend on the panel in the room next door and scooted into the Strawberry Shortcake “MommyBlogging” panel. Did I mention that there were only 15 minutes left?

Sliding into a chair, I moved a pink tissue-filled gift bag to my feet. Score! The girls will think I’m SO cool when I bring them one doll.

One doll.

I have two girls.

I looked to the empty seat to my right and spied a second gift bag. Could I swipe a second bag? Was this unethical? Or just smart parenting?

Fifteen minutes later, I strode out of the conference room with one bag.

One bag stuffed with TWO dolls. Oh yeah, I knew to hide my swag-a-holism.

I went to the next session and sat with the gift bag between my feet. And when I got up to go to the next session, I forgot the bag until I was far away.

“I forgot something!” I chirped and speed-walked back to the room I had just left.

The bag was gone.

As I retraced my steps, I first felt sad that my girls would not be getting two hot Strawberry Shortcake dolls from their swag-whoring mama. But, then I realized that it was karma, baby, that caused me to leave that bag behind.

Those dolls were never mine.

Unconsciously, I had set them free, and thus relieved myself of the scarlet letter of shame.

Which someone else now wears for taking my bag of dolls.

May they wear it well.

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