Forced bulb

It’s frozen, snowy and cold outside. And still, the ugly little bulb bursts and pushes a green stalk through the wet pebbles in the glass, until it blooms into something so simple and pretty. She isn’t much to sniff, this paperwhite, but her delicate petals stand defiantly against the stark backdrop.

I’m still here.

January has been a tough month. My oldest turned ten despite all my efforts to slow down time, heels digging into the ground like the anchor on a loosing tug-of-war game.

My weight is also creeping up beyond what I’d normally shrug off as “winter insulation”, and yet my desire to do any physical exercise is lost in chocolate candy wrappers that crinkle as I unwrap them.

I hang on to our daily school schedule like the structure, the deadlines, the check marks will begin to make sense, my voice tired from yelling, pleading, bargaining. I just. want. someone. to. listen. to. me.

The other day, my neighbor’s new puppy, a fluffy white bichon frise got loose and ran out into all the blinding white. A car drove slowly up and down the street that first night, calling her name, “Liesel! Liesel!” for the little girl who would never make it through the night in this cold. We looked for her too, around our house, in our neighborhood. Even now, a week later, I hope to hear a whimper when I step into the garage and triumphantly be able to deliver a warm puppy back to the heartbroken owner.

Alas, it is too late for her.

For me, though? I hold onto that image of the flower coming out of rocks. I’ve got enough warmth around me to get through this.


  1. Chicky Baby says

    I'm going to be thinking of little Liesel for days now. That breaks my heart.

    Also, the weight? Me too. *passes the chocolate*

  2. I'm with Chicky Baby. The thought of Liesel is heartbreaking and hard to put out of one's mind.

    And, hey, save some of the goods for me.

  3. Oh, c'mon! A Bishon lost in the snow? That's not even a fair fight. That is very, very sad.

    It's almost February. Pretty soon the bulbs will be pushing up through the dirt, just like your paperwhite, and all will be OK again. Until then, get these conversation hearts away from me!!!!

  4. That's so sad. 🙁

    And I feel you about the winter weight/candy issue. I was just getting better (a.k.a. finishing all the Christmas candy) when I was assigned a writing assignment covering local toffee makers. I'm up to my ears in toffee, almonds, and chocolate. Oh well.

    Hang in there.

  5. Sorry you are having at tough time. I know what you mean about the not listening people. The other day when I was complaining about naughtiness, my husband asked if I thought we had too many rules.

    I said, "there is only one rule in this house: DO WHAT I SAY."

    Really, I don't see why that's so hard.

  6. Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog says

    Perhaps Liesel is in someone's house?

    January is hibernation month. I am ok for now, but I understand the need to hunker down. Perhaps it's a good thing that I have so much going on this month? It's keeping me busy without any option.

  7. OMG! the puppy! Please email me immediately with reassurances that she's happy on some far somewhere.

  8. Oh Man… that is just awful. Poor Puppy.

    I know how you feel about the other stuff. Maybe you have Seasonal Affective Disorder? It hasn't been very sunny lately.

    Springs coming….. I promise.

  9. Issas Crazy World says

    Oh that is so sad. I hope someone found her and is keeping her warm right now.

    Hugs to you friend. I'm having trouble with winter too right now.

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