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Here is what happens when a (quasi) vegetarian raises meat-eating children:
We ordered take-out Chinese food last night. Belly ordered boneless spareribs (“the red-colored meat”, as she calls it).
Jilly sat at the table, grabbed a rib and started to gnaw away at it.
After she swallowed, she looked at me surprised, “I didn’t think I’d like this, but it’s good!”
Then a moment later:
“Is this pig?”
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Fire, fire! Here is what we did on Saturday night.
Last September, it was the butt. Today, it was the boobs.
In less than a year’s time, I’ve hit two milestones of female aging: the colonoscopy and the mammogram.
I’ve written about my colonoscopy experience a few times already. Today, I will relay my mammogram experience to those who have not yet gone on that ride.
Unlike the colonoscopy, getting ready for a mammogram is a picnic. I did nothing special beforehand except to shave (to keep the distractions to a minimum) and apply some Tom’s of Maine deodorant. This deodorant had to be wiped off in the exam room (thanks, Mammo-Wipes)!
Good news? The exam was super fast and did not cause any bruising (which is truly amazing when you consider what these puppies went through!).
Less-than-thrilling news? Your boobs are going to be flatter than a pancake for a few teeth-gritting (oops, no, RELAX!) seconds. Don’t forget to hold your breath! And do not whimper when they come back in and say that they need to redo your right side because you flexed a muscle in your arm (although, it made me the teeniest bit proud that there IS a muscle in my arm, considering the little exercise I’ve done this winter).
So, now I wait for results. I’m not the praying sort, but I will send one up to the heavens as I open that envelope for the test results.
In the meantime, I will urge my female friends and bloggy visitors to get this exam regularly and to give thanks for the mammories we have.
March is National Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month! Let’s see if I can come up with a slogan:
Be Kind to Your Behind: Schedule Your Colonoscopy Today!
Fifty is Nifty (and time for a colonoscopy).
Make a Booty Call and Schedule a Colonoscopy Today.
Don’t be an Ass! Schedule a Colonoscopy Today.
Colorectal Cancer: Don’t Take It Sitting Down.
Colorectal Cancer: A Bum Rap.
(somewhere, I know my dad is groaning)
If you didn’t get a chance to read about my colonoscopy experience last fall, I’m sharing it with the good people over at New England Mamas. Click here for that post.
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Despite the title to this post, someone I know and love dearly entrusted me to write this for the coolest mom shopping site there is.
Christina is a married, homeschooling, part-time working mom to three children in Southeastern Massachusetts. She's funnier on Twitter than in real life, unless she's had a drink. You can email her directly at fairlyoddmother@inbox.com.
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