You Can Lead a Horse to Water. . .


One of the most frustrating things I’m finding about homeschooling is that I cannot force my daughter to learn a fucking thing if she isn’t interested in learning it. Not one thing.

The other day, as we pushed on through a disastrous math class, she cried, “I’m not learning this, I’m memorizing this” and a little warning bell went off in my head.

Before we started homeschooling, I read John Holt who cautioned against this. I then eagerly signed up for a bunch of “unschooling” message boards, but quit when I was afraid I’d get flamed if I brought up the “t” word one more time (that words would be “teach”). I took into account my oldest daughter’s feisty/stubborn/”I know it all so you don’t have to teach me it” personality when planning our approach.

Regardless, I bought stuff. Fancy books and manipulatives and flashcards and workbooks and DVD’s and CD’s and. . .you get the picture.

None of it matters.

The child who sits happily as I read the story of Beowulf, who grows wistful when speaking about our time learning about Ancient Greece, who excitedly asks when we can do science again: that same child gets sullen and defiant when the math books come out. She claims she cannot add the simplest numbers almost daring me to force them out of her. We slog on until one of us is yelling or in tears.

Clearly, I need to find a better way.

Four


Saturday, D woke up four years old.

He started the day by declaring the following, when I turned the channel to Sesame Street:

“Mommy, you change the show? This is a baby show”.

Later, he surprised me with his sudden ability to grow facial hair.


My baby boy. He’s grown up so fast.

Just a Girl

I had forgotten about her until I was scrolling through our vacation photos on the computer. And, there it was: a photo of my oldest daughter and another girl, big smiles on both faces, her arm around Belly’s shoulder.That should have been it: a nice photo to capture a nice memory.

Unfortunately, there is an asterisk next to that memory that I cannot erase.

I met her on our first night at the campground. It was after 9, dark, and I was walking to the bathhouse to brush my teeth. She walked into the girls’ room with me and, after using the toilet, talked to me while I brushed.

And talked, and talked and talked.

In a few short minutes, I learned that they had been living at the campground. They had just found an apartment in town. She had several siblings, one of which was with her grandmother and was either a foster child or was about to be a foster child (she talked fast). Her mother was pregnant with another baby, due soon (pregnant and camping? oy, her poor back!). She was 7.

I told her I had a daughter her age who would love to have a playmate while we were here.

And so the next morning, they played together. While we were on the playground, a loud, rumbling pickup pulled up to the playground. A couple sat in the front: the woman was large, and I thought I recognized her as the woman with few teeth I had seen in the camping store. The man was even larger and unsmiling. He yelled her name and beckoned her to crawl into the backseat.

“That’s my stepfather!”, she said brightly as she ran toward the truck. I smiled, waved at her parents and was ignored. The truck left a cloud of dust behind it as I brought my foolish arm down.

The truck returned at 12:30am that night, slowly passing our tent, its muffler-less presence echoing in the quiet dark.

Why was I worried about this girl? Why did I think so much about her and what her life was like? Was this unsmiling man, her stepfather, kind to her? Where were all the siblings she had mentioned that first night? How long had she been living in a tent?

Did her mother take her to a dentist for goodness sake?

It really was none of my business, was it? After all, she hadn’t asked for help, she seemed as bright as the sunshine and, if there was anything wrong, I hadn’t seen it.

The only thing wrong was that it seemed that her family was poor, very poor. But should I even call that a “wrong”? My family had lived just north of “no money” for much of my adolescence, and I turned out fine.

I would have liked to ask her if she was ok. But a grown woman coming at a just-met 7 year old with those questions would have been over the top.

By our last morning, she was gone. I’ve decided that they got to their new apartment, and she danced around the empty rooms, talking all the while. Her siblings returned and her mother had a baby which she held at every chance. She is now warm in her bed, not in a sleeping bag on the cold, hard ground.

She is fine.